I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
