bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
