Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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