Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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