why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
