the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I want a musical about memes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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