My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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