Will you blow on my dice?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
farters have to be the big spoon...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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