i already hear my dad disowning me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
worst night to have a conscience
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
