I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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