My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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