piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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