sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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