During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
