So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
