and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
