o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
