and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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