Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
