He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
