Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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