i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
