This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize