How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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