Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
