Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
