Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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