come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize