I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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