Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
