She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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