I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A bitchslap is in order.
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