so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize