is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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