If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
