apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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