its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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