I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
