I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
