Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
50% drunk capacity currently
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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