Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ok first of all what the fuck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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