I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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