so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
