she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
