Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We are two peas in an std pod
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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