I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
