dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
