Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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