Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
