Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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