this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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