It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize