hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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