she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
