I want to walk on stilts...naked
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
