Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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