it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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