clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
