A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
