she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I queefed so loud it echoed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
