Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
