also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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