Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
