Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
