he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
