Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
