had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Please don't give away my fajitas
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