What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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