dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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