Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
