We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
should my penis look like a turkey
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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