My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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