fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
