this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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