Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize