He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
