when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
