yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
