Dual....:-)
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
