She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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