I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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