four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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