you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
