She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize