Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
