she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
