morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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