3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
