A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
