He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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