No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
