At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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