how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
