what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
