2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
