Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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