Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We're too hungover to prance.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize