fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
