You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
