i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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