Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
