I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize