Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
