sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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