the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
