i think my tv is drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
