Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
