I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
