dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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