We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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