When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
