she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
