Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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