Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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